During the 15 years I have spent in this profession, and through travelling and living all over the world, I have come into close contact with many different cultures and people from all walks of life. Due to the intimate nature of what I do people open up to me, they tell me their secrets and desires, their fears and worries, and their goals and dreams. Sometimes they seek my advice, sometimes they just want a sympathetic ear, sometimes they are looking for a solution to a problem.  

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Sometimes people turn up to a session wracked with nerves from fear, lack of confidence, or even feelings of guilt and shame, and my job is to help them work through that and make peace with themselves and their issues before they are even ready to engage in anything physical. Many people don't realise that there is a need for a good understanding of psychology in order to do this job, it requires a delicate touch when dealing with people's vulnerabilities and this is a skill that is developed over time and with much practice and experience.

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I have dedicated my entire adult life to learning about sexual nature, and I’ve had the privilege of helping hundreds of real people improve their knowledge and experiences whilst learning something from new from each one of them, there is very little that I don’t know about human sexuality and relationships by now (at least in terms of what is truly possible to know!), but I’m always looking to expand that knowledge, which is why I am also studied and qualified in psycho-sexual therapy.

 

One of the most important things that I have learnt during all this time is that when it comes to sexual education we have been cheated, and in a huge way. It amazes me to continually see how little people really know about their own bodies and sex in general, things that to me seem so essential! We have been spoon fed only that which applies to a societal ideal of what is acceptable and what is not, we have been given an extremely narrow view of sexuality by our predecessors based on misguided morality rather than the true nature and capability of the human sexual experience, and that same misguided morality has even hindered scientific knowledge and progress in the field of human sexuality. We know much less about sexuality than a lot of our other less important bodily functions.

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A good example of this is the recent restrictions on adult content produced in the UK, in which one of the many practices banned was female ejaculation upon the body of another person, as the government decided that it’s actually urine and therefore obscene. But have these politicians or government funded scientists ever bothered to ask one of the hundreds of thousands of women who can actually ejaculate for an opinion? They would know right? I can tell you from my own personal experience that female ejaculate is not urine! I can only concede that it may contain traces of urine because it passes near the urethra, but the same can be said of male ejaculate and yet the ban only applies to females. Morality trumps truth once again, and as well as ignoring real women’s experiences it also enforces the notion that a woman is ‘obscene’ for something that is perfectly natural – experiencing sexual pleasure.

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For me, getting into BDSM and learning about sexuality, was like I had passed my life being convinced by society that if I jumped off a building I would die, but then accidentally discovering that actually I can fly, and so can everybody else... and this is what is happening in sexual and relationship education today. When you think about it that's actually a tragedy, bad education at the risk of society’s general health, blatant disregard for fact, and moralistic prejudice against pleasure as well as continued gender discrimination, made all the more outrageous when you consider that modern sexuality is a minefield in which we are bombarded with confusing sexual messages from all directions every single day, messages that are thrown at us without meaning or context and that we are left to interpret in any which way we choose, and then we wonder why we are having to deal with 'rape culture' , why there are more and more instances of crossed boundaries in teen relationships leading to damaging criminal charges, why there is a rise in incidents of murder against transgender men and women, or why there is a growing demand for health professionals, therapists and coaches specialised in an ever growing list of sexual difficulties and addictions.

 

It begs the question, when we are given so little to work with and learn from, is it any wonder that we are getting sex so wrong?

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Biologically speaking sex is the most important thing in our lives, we are designed to feel the most possible enjoyment from it, to be curious about it, to want to experiment with and stay interested in it, because it is through sex that we perform the must vital function in sustaining our race, we create life! We are literally programmed to think about, want to do, and push the boundaries with sex all the time so that we can sustain a healthy interest and libido throughout our sexual lifetime in order to procreate as much as possible. We have all gotten bored of sex with a partner at some point in our lives, humans are fickle beings that are influenced and moulded by a million and one outside factors, and the pervert inside us is a biological function that actually exists for a real purpose - to encourage curiosity and experimentation and counteract the boredom that might prohibit continued breeding!

We are continually told that our sexual desires are immoral, or depraved, or unhealthy, and yet being sexually adventurous is an important function in the propagation of the human race! 

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Through no fault of our own many of us find ourselves burdened with all kinds of concerns that prevent us from truly enjoying sex, but we can do something about it, and we owe it to ourselves to take responsibility for our own sexual journey and to take back control of our pleasure. Why would you continue to ignore or deny the most essential component of the human experience? Why would you let something like a lack of education get in the way of discovering the depths of pleasure that you are truly capable of? Stop listening to what other people have to say about your body and figure it out for yourself by TUNING INTO your body and your senses.

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Your capacity for sexual pleasure is much greater than you have been led to believe.