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  • Domina Jemma

Advice For Your First Ever Session: What To Expect & How To Be Prepared

I have worked as a professional Mistress for over 16 years now and in that time it has been my great pleasure to conduct the very first session of thousands of subs, providing a fun and relaxed atmosphere in which my subs can safely explore and confront their darkest fantasies for the first time is something I have become specialised in and it continues to be a pleasure to help you all discover yourselves and your true potential for pleasure through kinks, fetishes and servitude.

That said, it still surprises me to receive messages everyday from new candidates requesting a session whilst admitting they know very little about it, thus ensues the usual list of questions of what is involved, what will happen, will it hurt, etc and it is really clear that these people actually have no idea what they are asking to be involved in. So while I am always happy to session with a new person, it is really important that you as the client, have done your research properly and have clearly established your own personal boundaries so that you are in a position to give fully informed consent. "You can do anything you want to me" does not count as informed consent when anything I want could involve psychological humiliation, physical torture that could involve bleeding and/or leave marks or permanent scarring, or any number of very physically invasive practices.

So if you have never had a session before and are thinking about making a booking, here are some things you should know before contacting me for a booking.

Disclaimer: The following is my professional opinion only and what is required to make an appointment with me, there are no set 'industry standards' as every provider has their own way of doing things, It is always up to you to find out what you can about the provider you are contacting.

Before you even think about contacting a Mistress, you need to know yourself.

The practices on offer by Mistresses around the world are vast and varied, from role play to extreme bondage, humiliation and fetishes, not every Mistress offers the same things and not every sub likes the same things. So while you may be titillated by some pornography you saw or some stylised fetish images of glorious Dommes in their shiny latex, it's important to remember if you meet this person she will do unusual stuff to your body and you should be mentally prepared for that. Take time having a good look at the practices offered by different Mistresses, see which ones appeal to you, watch some related porn and see if watching this practice really excites you, and more importantly use this opportunity to establish what is not acceptable to you, what your hard limits are.

Now in my experience these limits we set ourselves are often subject to change, over time our tastes evolve, we become more comfortable with certain things that lead us into others we hadn't previously considered, sometimes just playing with the right person can tempt us into things we had implicitly ruled out before, but if you don't know what your boundaries and limits are right now in this moment that you are about to play, your Dominant cannot be expected to respect what you yourself are unable to know or communicate, and this is not a consensual situation.

Yes, We are Dominants and we ''do what we want'', but there is still reciprocal respect for our subs and what they are comfortable with, you set your basic interests and limitations and we guide the sessions within those lines, this is supposed to be an enjoyable and fulfilling experience for both the Dominant and the submissive! When we're talking about your first session most of us wouldn't want to do something that would terrorise or traumatise you and prevent you from enjoying submission again, but we're not mind readers and you need to give some information about your interests and limits to give us a starting point without leading you down an unsuitable path for you.

Once you know what you want, get to know what you're chosen Mistress wants.

Now that you know what practices are suitable for you at this stage of your experience, you need to spend some time getting to know the Mistress you want to contact. I mentioned in my disclaimer that there aren't really any industry standards, but you can pretty much guarantee that most Mistresses will appreciate it if you spend a moment on their site first to double check that She provides the services you are interested in, and also to take a look at her rules page and preferred method of contact, most rule pages can give you some idea of how you should conduct yourself in her sessions and what you can expect from her. Informing yourself of the essential information your chosen Mistress has taken the time to provide is considered best form from a new candidate.

When you're ready to contact a Mistress, be prepared and do not waste her time.

Everyday a Mistress receives many messages from a variety of different sources - email, text and WhatsApp inquiries, phone calls, a handful of different social media profiles, the adultwork booking system and many more besides. That is a lot of messages to keep up with in one day and so when it comes to a response Mistresses are very selective, if it's obvious that you have not bothered to read her information or even say anything about yourself that reply you are waiting for is going to the bottom of Her priority list.

Interestingly enough a Mistress recently released some data via Her twitter account, after responding to every single inquiry religiously for the last 2 years and recording the results of each inquiry, She was able to gather information about what kind of inquiries lead to bookings or turn out to be time wasters. Let me just say that the results were a confirmation of what we in the industry have long believed, over 90% of those who don't bother to converse and introduce themselves properly soon disappear without ever making a booking, often after asking endless questions wasting the Mistresses time.

So if you contact a Mistress and don't wish to be perceived as a time waster there are a few guidelines to follow to give a good impression:

* A simple "Hi" or "how are you!" is not going to get a response. Remember this Mistress has a hundred messages a day to respond to, she is not looking to get into a reciprocal conversation with a stranger when the clock on her working availability is ticking, as you are at this point still a stranger - how she is doing is actually none of your business, make a full introduction so the Mistress can decide if you are someone she would want to see and engage with. Remember that as sex workers Mistresses expose themselves to strangers and potential danger everyday, show Her who you are a person if you expect Her to put Her personal safety at risk to meet you.

*Do not refer to the Mistress as "babe", "darling", "honey", "sweety" etc. you are entering a world of Female Domination where women command respect and you are the object, these are not acceptable terms to use when addressing a woman you claim to want to submit to. If you are unsure as to how your particular chosen provider wishes to be addressed, "Mistress" is always a safe place to start.

*Don't expect a reply if you don't make a proper introduction including your name (it doesn't have to be a real one), how much experience you have, and clear information about your interests and limits. This shows the Mistress that you are clear about what you want and your boundaries and have taken your decision to session with her seriously and are not just a tourist that will disappear at the first mention of bondage. *If you have questions make sure you check that their answers are not already provided on the Mistress in questions personal website, the site exists for this very purpose and it can be frustrating for a Mistress when She is bombarded daily from many with basic questions like what do you provide and what are your rates? 2 minutes of your time actually reading Her site puts you in good stead for a session.

*Expect to pay a deposit. Though I only ask for deposits when on tour many Mistresses will ask for a deposit to confirm your session. This is not unusual in the industry and should not surprise you, many Mistresses work from commercial premises and have to book these in advance of your session, you don't turn up and the Mistress is out of pocket, so don't take it personally if you are asked. If you have contacted a reputable Mistress with a large social following and a verifiable online history, then the chances of your deposit being 'stolen' are slim to none, your £50 deposit would barely cover one month's phone bill and is not worth getting a bad reputation and losing clients/ thousands in monthly income for. If you feel like you can't trust the Mistress with your deposit, then you SHOULD NOT be trusting her with your body!

So you've made a booking what can you expect in a first session?

When you have made a booking with me I expect that you have read my rules page and have presented yourself as requested, clean and fresh, sober, on time with cash tribute in hand and ID if you look underage (I only need to see it I don't need a copy).

After welcoming you into my property and satisfying myself that you have fulfilled the above requirements I will invite you to use the bathroom before we proceed to my Dungeon, there we will have an informal discussion as two people getting to know each other, if you have experience I will ask you about that, if not I will ask about your motivation for pursuing your first session, then establish your interests and limits and any medical conditions you have that could interfere with or restrict the session. Once we have chatted and you are comfortable to begin I will ask you to undress, and our session will begin. To start with I will gently explore only the practices you have expressed interest in, to gauge your reaction and see if you find the reality as enjoyable as the fantasy, if things are going well I may introduce other practices that I think you might like based on your reactions to the previous activities. If it is your first session or you lack experience I will always conduct every practice very gently to begin with, and then increase the intensity slowly if you are handling it well.

Although I am not an escort and do not offer penetrative sex or oral sex, if I feel you have behaved in a respectful manner throughout our session I will allow a happy ending. In my case I do offer assisted orgasm with hand and foot jobs or you may masturbate yourself if you prefer.

If you feel you able to orgasm more than once during the session there is no rule against it.

At the end of the session you will be given a moment to get yourself together and recover, before you may wash and get dressed (I offer full bathroom facilities with shower and towels) feel free to give me some feedback on your session it is always appreciated.

If you were happy with your session and are thinking of returning, you can ask me to save your number for future reference. (This is just so I know who you are when you contact me again, I will never call or message you at any time)

Booking with a Mistress is not the same as booking with an escort, you are engaging in potentially dangerous activities and it is important you are well informed for your own safety.

BDSM is all about consent, and until you can show that you have carefully considered your decision and informed yourself enough to be able to consent fully, you are unlikely to get a response from any serious Mistress. Just as an uninformed Mistress can be dangerous to the client, an uninformed client can be dangerous to the Mistress as it is Her ass on the line if something goes wrong because you failed to provide important information about limits and medical conditions.

If you are interested in pursuing BDSM activities with a Mistress then it is your responsibility as much as the Mistresses to ensure a safe and consensual situation between both parties, so don't get into these things lightly, there is a lot more on the line than a "bad sexual experience".

Thanks for reading and good luck with your first sessions!

Domina Jemma x

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